I am a bit concerned about the cost. This seems expensive. Help me understand the return on investment.
At first glance it may look that way. Consider the costs for a moment, though. Consider the high cost of doing nothing. Consider the high cost of putting a lot of energy in the wrong work.
A few hard numbers. Let's count the real cost.
Wedding. Consider what we invest in time and energy and resources into just one very special day: The average U.S. wedding costs approximately $20,000 (my wife's and mine were on the low side of data--cheap and quick as love-struck college students!). And all of this wedding preparation is just for one day that actually does little to nothing to actually prepare couples for their marriage. The funny thing is that people have then told me that they can't (won't) afford marriage counseling to further strengthen their good marriage or save their bad marriage. I say "won't" because, as you'll see before, when it comes time for their statistically probable divorce they'll "find a way" to pay the attorneys for their incredible fees.
Divorce. 45-50% of first marriages end in divorce and approximately 65% of second marriages end in divorce. These are grim statistics. For all of those who said "It won't happen to us" all I can say is, sorry, but the numbers don't support that. How much is your marriage worth. How much would you have paid to avoid your first and second divorce and make your first mariage(s) truly successful? Consider those costs while I share this with you: The average U.S. divorce costs the family $18,000 per divorce in direct and indirect costs. In addition, this same divorce costs the government (city, county, state, federal), e.g., your taxes, $20,000 in further direct and indirect costs. And yet we "can't" afford preventative marriage education and interventive marriage counseling. Hmmm. Something to consider.
Marriage: Only 20% of those who stay married report that they are happily married and consider their marriage successful.
Life & Health: If I told you I could offer you seven extra years of life than you have available to you right now, how much would that be worth to you. Research has clearly shown that couples who report happy, successful, satisfying marriages on average live a full seven years longer than those who are single or who are in unhappy marriages.
Now re-consider the cost: If you do the Core Curriculum your total cost depending on which coaching package you use will range from $ to $. If you were to take advantage of the Core Curriculum and every single Extracurricular offering the cost would range from $ to $ Compare that to the costs indicated above. Even at The Marriage Academy's most expensive, it doesn't even touch the costs identified above.
For more, read my article "Count the Cost."
Knowledge vs. Ignorance: Consider, finally, that you are investing in your marital education which means you are really investing in your future. Just as college tuition and the education it pays is a direct investment with measurable and predictable outcomes for future earnings, success, satisfaction and meaning. So my final suggestion is, consider the high cost of ignorance.
Do I have to take all the components in the Core Curriculum? Can't I just take the ones that interest me?
Well, to be clear, you don't "have" to do anything. I only want to work with those who choose to engage fully in the process. While you are not required to do every component all at once, for example you can take the DISC and then take the BSF TeleSeminar. You are welcome to pick and choose from The Extracurricular Offerings to customize your marital education to your particular interests and needs.
What timeline do I have to complete the Core Curriculum?
Six months. I have found that if we do not stick to a tight timeline that we hold ourselves accountable to we are less likely to meet our goals—meanning your relationship goals for your marriage.
Jonathan, I'm not quite yet ready to commit to The Marriage Academy, but I would like to coach with you. Is that possible?
Yes. First of all, remember that your first 30-minute consult with me is free. You have every right to get to know me first and make sure that I'll be able to help you succeed with your goals. If during that time you and I decide that we would be a good fit for each other then we can set up a coaching program that meets your needs. My fees are $150 per hour session and you may purchase single sessions on the Core Curriculum page.
What kind of personal attention do I get?
Lots. My fees are what they are on purpose. For my success, for your success. Let me explain. I keep a small and exclusive coaching clientele so that I dedicate my time and energies towards your goals. While my TeleSeminars can accommodate hundreds of participants, my coaching practice is limited to 10 clients at a time and my Action Groups are limited to 20 participants at a time. These means that I am not "churning numbers" to make sure I can pay my bills. Doing so would spread me too thin and lead to my burnout which would lead to less time and less energy for you and your success.
What research and evidence is The Marriage Academy based on?
The Marriage Academy is based on solid evidence- and research-based practices. Why? Simply because your time and my time are too valuable for dinking around with personal theories, opinions, "quick fixes," and just general quackery that can sound good but aren't actually and widely effective for most people. Sure EVERY approach can have anecdotal evidence supporting whatever claim. For example, consider any weight lose product with spokespersons and models who've lost weight with their product, all with this standard fine print, "Results not typical."
So what is the foundation I have built The Marriage Academy upon?
Best practice therapeutic clinical models: These are all based on answering the question, "How do people really change?":
- Pragmatic/ Experiential Therapy for Couples (PET-C)
- Relationship Enhancement Therapy (RET)
- Solution-Focused Therapy
- Solution-Oriented Therapy
- Systems Theory (Minuchin)
- Strategic Family Therapy (Haley)
- Milan Systemic Therapy
- Narrative Therapy
- Motivational Interviewing (MI)
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT),
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).
Research:
- John M. Gottman's groundbreaking, field-altering research
- The Marriage Savers mentoring model
- Michelle Weiner-Davis' Divorce Busting movement
- Ongoing and relentless research in the specific marriage and family therapy field and the more general field of psychology.
- Neurobiology—the study of how our brains affect our bodies, our emotions and our relationships.
Education:
- Formal training in Family Sciences (undergraduate) and Marriage and Family Therapy (graduate). See my vita for complete information.
- Continuing education. In my field I am required by my licensure (and my own dedication to this great field) to continue my education through conferences, workshops, professional journals, and reading.
Experience:
- See my vita and the Instructors page for my complete background.
Spirituality:
- Way before the psychologists and sociologists started formally and systematically seeking answers about the human condition prophets and disciples, masters and students have been asking the deep and profound questions and great answers have been revealed to them about creating truly successful and meaningful family relationships, managing stress, and finding meaning and purpose in life. Among others, I have been most heavily influenced by Christianity, Buddhism, Zen, Taoism, and Judaism.
Jonathan, I desperately want to do the work, but honestly we do not have the funds to afford this. What can we do?
Tons. There are always options. There are always solutions. They are: 1. A limited number of "Pay It Foward Scholarships", 2. Optional Sliding Fee Scale for those who qualify, and 3. Free consult to get connected with other resources in your area that may suit your needs better.
1. First of all, let me share something personal with you. Growing up I witnessed my dear mother, who suffered a series of debilitating chronic illnesses, not get crucial treatments she needed because we couldn't afford it. That made me angry. It hurt me deeply to see her suffer when there was help available that was unavailable to us simply because of money! In the end she died much sooner than need be.
I vowed then to not be the refuser if I was ever in a position to be of service to those who genuinely needed help and who were sincerely motivated and willing to do the work—to never let money be the reason we couldn't do the work. So, in response to that vow I "tithe" 10% of my work on a pro-bono basis. As such, you may apply for a scholarship, limited in number only due to my time availability, that will waive partial or full fees based on your ability to pay.
I must warn you ahead of time though, that while the fee will be free the work will not be. I will work you and you will invest your time, your energy, you will learn to sacrifice your ego and pride and every other barrier to achieving greatness in your relationships You will still pay, just not with money. One more thing. To preserve your dignity, I don't believe in handouts. I believe in "paying it forward." In part of your application you will share with me your plans of how you will pay forward the value or more (value, not money) of what you received from me to another/others.
All of that being said, here's how to apply: Send me an email describing
- 1. Your relationship goals;
- 2. Your willingness to do the work;
- 3. Why I would be a fool not to take advantage of having the opportunity of making a difference in your life;
- 4. Why you need this scholarship; and
- 5. Your plans for paying it forward.
2. Secondly, I offer I sliding fee scale option (meaning that the fee "slides" or adjusts on a percentage based upon your income) for those who qualify. You will need to Send me an email describing your needs, willingness to do the work and what your gross annual household income is (i.e., what you reported on your taxes last year).
3. Lastly, you may use your free consult time with me to help you get connected with qualified providers and resources in your area. I am a good idea guy, have been doing this for a long time and am happy to help you get connected.
Is this therapy? How is coaching through The Marriage Academy different?
While I am a therapist by education, training and background this is not therapy. My background and experience as a therapist is exactly what inspired and drove me to create The Marriage Academy. Therapy, I'm biased I know, is a great gig. I am so grateful for all my clients over the years who've allowed me to be a part of their lives while they made tremendous changes and improvements in their lives. However, The Marriage Academy, is based on education, skills training and coaching. Therapy requires, and rightly so, many guidelines and standards that work best on a one-on-one or small group setting that is simply not possible on an international level. Coaching, however, allows more flexibility to work with people in a way that helps them create phenomenal changes in their lives whether we work face-to-face, by telephone, or video conferencing. It is also different because of it's multi-modal approach of education, skills training, coaching, and action groups that is generally not available in individual therapy or marital counseling alone.
Is The Marriage Academy for Everyone?
Most certainly not! While anyone can enroll in it, and my purpose is that many many individuals, couples, families and children will benefit profoundly from it, the reality is that it's not for everyone. The truth is not everyone will commit to the level required for greatness, not only in their relationships, but in any aspect of life. Greatness isn't easy and it isn't cheap. Greatness is reserved for those who pay the price to do the work, to humble their pride, let go of their egos, invest their energies and resources, and settle for nothing less.
Safety Disclaimer: If there is, or has been, a history of domestic violence you must honestly disclose the full nature of the violence and present documentation that you, or your spouse if he/she was the perpetrator, have completed a state-contracted domestic violence treatment program as well as sign a release of information with your treatment provider/therapist so that I can confirm treatment completion as well as to get your therapists approval to engage in couples work. Why? Research is overwhelmingly and disturbingly clear that well-intentioned couple's work, while there is untreated domestic violence (current or past), can actually increase problems in the relationship, rather than improve the relationship, as well as contribute to additional violence in the home.
